I took this photo in hopes of illustrating how I feel about some things currently happening in my life.
When I looked at it I decided I looked angry, or sad, or anything but jubilant and on fire…which is how I feel.
Dub saw it and said “That’s Mama!” I said “Yup. What’s she doing?”
I was genuinely curious as to his interpretation.
Know what he said?
“SHE’S ROARING!” ROAR MAMA!”
Well Dub, you know me so well. Roaring is exactly what I was doing, I just didn’t know it.
If you read this blog you probably know enough about me to know that I get really excited about Truth when I discover it. That and I’m kind of a freak show.
I love food, specifically real food. I have an unnatural obsession with textiles, particularly textiles made from natural fibers like (in order of importance) LINEN, WOOL, COTTON, SILK. I have too many neutral-toned natural-fiber throw blankets because I am obsessed with them. I love a good deal, but not at the expense of quality so the hunt for a steal is something I sort of live for. I get bored very easily. I spent my entire young life bored, which explains why I did so many totally insane things. I mean, you have no idea. I had no fear of the ramifications of my self-destructive tendencies, and yet until now, I have been one of the most frightened people I have ever met.
I know. I put up a good front, but I have been terrified for most of my life. Of what? Whatever horrific thing is on the news or that was on a show or movie, or whatever I can imagine, etc. My imagination is rude.
Something happened to me recently that has changed my life forever. I have had an experience with The Holy Spirit. I didn’t know that I didn’t know, but apparently I have never known Him. Until now my life has looked like this:
Non-believer age 12-25?
Believer in a God age 25-29
Believer that the Jesus part is significant age 29-31
Believer that Jesus Died for my sins age 31-34
MEETER and now seeker OF JESUS age 34-THE REST OF MY LIFE
I didn’t have any idea that I was so on the fence in my Faith. The Holy Spirit has introduced himself to me by giving me a glimpse of what it means to have Him communicate with me through my days, and move me into a light of a happiness so complete that human words just cannot explain. They can’t explain what is waiting for us in Heaven. They can’t explain the peace of His Presence. They can’t explain anything of The Spirit to the spirit so The Spirit has to do it. He is subtle, working gently and strategically on hearts that He has primed and readied.
I am still that young girl willing to jump off of the highest cliff before anyone else, but the fear that ailed me in the silence of my thoughts and ruled most of my life is gone. I have been relieved of the spirit of fear because I’ve been filled with Faith. Real Faith.
I was on a literal high for days when this happened. Then, I crashed. I didn’t want to crash, I wanted to bask in the feeling I had received forever but I live here on this earth and I guess I have to stay here for a while. The fear is still gone, which is amazing, but I’m learning that the feeling of His presence that I was given a glimpse of, is what I am going to be seeking for the rest of my life. It was given to me so I could know why to get down on my knees every single day and seek The Lord (which to be honest, I had never done, until now).
If you don’t know this feeling I’m talking about and you want it (even if you don’t want it, somewhere in your heart you do because it is gosh-darn what you were created for) I can tell you how to get it.
1. Pray to experience the presence of The Lord
2. Read God’s Word every day
3. Seek The Lord in everything you do
I don’t think much before I write, as I’m sure you have noticed. I hope I am not giving advice that isn’t correct but I have a feeling I’m suppose to write this.
So what is one to do when they are a thrill seeker (whole new meaning to that phrase now) and the thrill is over (even temporarily)? Delve deeper into the seeking. Become the freak show He made me to be and focus my life on the advancement of His Kingdom.
If you don’t get it I get it. I didn’t even know how much I didn’t get until basically just now when I got it.
What an honor it would be to have people remember me as the girl who “loved Jesus so much she was willing to be a complete fool for Him.”
This will come as a surprise to many of you but apparently I am a mere mortal. I totally failed my juice cleanse and I will fill you in on exactly why that is in a different post soon. Still juicing daily, just also eating a handful of peanut butter filled pretzels here and there in addition.