Roar.

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I took this photo in hopes of illustrating how I feel about some things currently happening in my life.

When I looked at it I decided I looked angry, or sad, or anything but jubilant and on fire…which is how I feel.

Dub saw it and said “That’s Mama!”  I said “Yup.  What’s she doing?”

I was genuinely curious as to his interpretation.

Know what he said?

“SHE’S ROARING!”  ROAR MAMA!”

Well Dub, you know me so well.  Roaring is exactly what I was doing, I just didn’t know it.

If you read this blog you probably know enough about me to know that I get really excited about Truth when I discover it.  That and I’m kind of a freak show.

I love food, specifically real food.  I have an unnatural obsession with textiles, particularly textiles made from natural fibers like (in order of importance) LINEN, WOOL, COTTON, SILK.  I have too many neutral-toned natural-fiber throw blankets because I am obsessed with them.  I love a good deal, but not at the expense of quality so the hunt for a steal is something I sort of live for.  I get bored very easily.  I spent my entire young life bored, which explains why I did so many totally insane things.  I mean, you have no idea.  I had no fear of the ramifications of my self-destructive tendencies, and yet until now, I have been one of the most frightened people I have ever met.

I know.  I put up a good front, but I have been terrified for most of my life.  Of what?  Whatever horrific thing is on the news or that was on a show or movie, or whatever I can imagine, etc.  My imagination is rude.

Something happened to me recently that has changed my life forever.  I have had an experience with The Holy Spirit.  I didn’t know that I didn’t know, but apparently I have never known Him.  Until now my life has looked like this:

Non-believer age 12-25?

Believer in a God age 25-29

Believer that the Jesus part is significant age 29-31

Believer that Jesus Died for my sins age 31-34

MEETER and now seeker OF JESUS age 34-THE REST OF MY LIFE

I didn’t have any idea that I was so on the fence in my Faith.  The Holy Spirit has introduced himself to me by giving me a glimpse of what it means to have Him communicate with me through my days, and move me into a light of a happiness so complete that human words just cannot explain.  They can’t explain what is waiting for us in Heaven.  They can’t explain the peace of His Presence.  They can’t explain anything of The Spirit to the spirit so The Spirit has to do it.  He is subtle, working gently and strategically on hearts that He has primed and readied.

I am still that young girl willing to jump off of the highest cliff before anyone else, but the fear that ailed me in the silence of my thoughts and ruled most of my life is gone.  I have been relieved of the spirit of fear because I’ve been filled with Faith.  Real Faith.

I was on a literal high for days when this happened.  Then, I crashed.  I didn’t want to crash, I wanted to bask in the feeling I had received forever but I live here on this earth and I guess I have to stay here for a while.  The fear is still gone, which is amazing, but I’m learning that the feeling of His presence that I was given a glimpse of, is what I am going to be seeking for the rest of my life.  It was given to me so I could know why to get down on my knees every single day and seek The Lord (which to be honest, I had never done, until now).

If you don’t know this feeling I’m talking about and you want it (even if you don’t want it, somewhere in your heart you do because it is gosh-darn what you were created for) I can tell you how to get it.

1. Pray to experience the presence of The Lord

2. Read God’s Word every day

3. Seek The Lord in everything you do

I don’t think much before I write, as I’m sure you have noticed.  I hope I am not giving advice that isn’t correct but I have a feeling I’m suppose to write this.

So what is one to do when they are a thrill seeker (whole new meaning to that phrase now) and the thrill is over (even temporarily)?  Delve deeper into the seeking.  Become the freak show He made me to be and focus my life on the advancement of His Kingdom.

If you don’t get it I get it.  I didn’t even know how much I didn’t get until basically just now when I got it.

What an honor it would be to have people remember me as the girl who “loved Jesus so much she was willing to be a complete fool for Him.”

REGARDING FOOD:

This will come as a surprise to many of you but apparently I am a mere mortal.  I totally failed my juice cleanse and I will fill you in on exactly why that is in a different post soon.  Still juicing daily, just also eating a handful of peanut butter filled pretzels here and there in addition.

Gahhhh….

Lazy, Delicious Things. Baby.

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Sometimes I’m lazy.  I don’t like to go all the way to my bedroom to get the camera and then have to point it at something and shoot.  Lacto-fermenting cucumbers and peppers and carrots for example, look gorgeous in their jars, but I haven’t taken pictures of them yet.  Because I’m lazy.  But my laziness is slightly ironic because somehow when I’m actually being lazy in the kitchen (like when I make french toast for breakfast) I have the energy to go get the camera and take photos.  Hilarious.   Well, here it is folks.  French toast.  Sometimes I’m lazy and it’s the most delicious thing.

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You’ve made frenchy-french-french toast so you know the deal, but this is how I do it.  Slathered in grass-fed butter and grade b maple syrup of course.

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You know you want it.

Now, onto other things.  I’m sort of obsessed with my baby, and have recently been realizing how incredible it is that we get this tiny glimpse into the way God must feel about us.  You don’t believe in God?  That’s cool, we don’t have to agree.  I do though; I totally EFFING DO.  I’m experiencing this amazing transformation in myself from a completely selfish (and half-drunk) just joking (not joking) person pre-baby, to a person who makes every decision for her family, and it can only be from the Grace of God.  I’m good with differences of opinion, world view, faith, etc.  What has changed is that I’m no longer wishy-washy about what I believe.  I’m clear.  It’s rad.

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I’m also clear on this being the cutest bubble butt in the history of the world, ever (next to your own baby, of course).

Also, I’ve been praying that The Lord would help revive my passions in the kitchen since it’s sort of important and it’s MY job to nourish this baby.  We are still nursing 5x a day, but still, he needs me to be inspired in that area.  As does Mr. H.  God has answered my prayers.  I’m super excited about starting to do some new things in the kitchen.  One of them being lacto-fermentation.  I’ll do a post on it when I get enough energy to go get the camera and take photos of my pretties fermenting in their jars.

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Not only did I learn some new fermentation techniques but I learned to can!  I’m really grateful to our friend Pam for coming over to teach me because she made it so much less complicated and scary than I thought it was.  I feel empowered now.  I do wish the food didn’t have to be heated so many times, I worry that all the nutrients are being killed.  I get why people did it.  I get why they still do it.  I will do it too, I just won’t preserve everything that way.  We have a really large freezer so some will be frozen, some dried, and some canned.

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Speaking of drying foods I dehydrated an entire box of freshly harvested tomatoes and they are delicious, even if this is all I got for my efforts after that.

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I simply halved the small ones and quarterd the larger ones.  I scooped out the most visible seeds, but left the bulk of the tomato and didn’t season or salt them and they turned out delicious!  True heirloom tomatoes don’t need any help in the flavor department.

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They end up in potato dishes and add such interest I will be making them again and again.

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I’ve also been really into home decor stuff as I’ve mentioned before.  I don’t have all the dollar-dollar billz to support my habit so I decided to teach myself how to make pillow covers.  I was particularly inspired by an etsy designer who was featured on Remodelista a while back, so I made this.

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In other news I love my baby.  Have I mentioned that before?

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Bye.