Pot and Brownies. But Not Pot Brownies.

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I might be a stinky hippie but I’m here to let you all down with the exhilarating revelation that I don’t smoke the pot.  Nope, not a pot smoker.  As was the case with many substances over the years, I smoked it plenty but never really liked it.  In fact, for smoking it as regularly as I did (and very often paired with at minimum one or two other substances) I didn’t like it at all. Why then did I smoke it?  I don’t know.  I seriously do not know why I’ve done so much of what I’ve done.

The only reason I’m talking about this is because I was listening to the radio while driving and there was a discussion about how there is this movement in Seattle (since the legalization of marijuana in WA state) to create venues wherein  people can smoke the pot they can now legally procure and possess.  They were naming things like “pot poker games” and “pot picnics” and I just thought “MAN, those people are amazing…so chill and cool and able to interact with other humans whilst being hiiiiiiiiiiiigh.”  I mean it.  The only reason I could ever have a social interaction while stoned was because I was also drinking alcohol (sugar) or snorting something (I’ll spare you the details) that would most certainly be described as an “upper.”  If I ever smoked the pot (yes, I like to put a “the” in front of it because it makes me laugh) alone it was an overly paranoid and totally retarded (please excuse the use of that word this one time) experience.

For example:

photo

 

(I tried my best in the above photo to re-create the masterpiece)

One of the last times I smoked pot (years ago before the husband and babies) I was alone in my house and I decided I was going to be a painter so I got out some paints and set up a whole painting station and put on some music, and my stoned behind went to TOWN.  It took me at least two hours to paint what amounted to a pretty ugly orange background (on an 8×10 piece of paper mind you) and some JBL speakers (that I was using to record music at that point in my life) and a snail of some kind.  I was pretty darn impressed with it until I woke up the next morning.  I saved it for a long time just so I could remember what a complete idiot I can be.  And that is how I acted alone.  I won’t bore you with the over-the-top awkward awards I have won for my paranoid inability to talk about anything but being stoned, when stoned.  You guys, you would think it was my first time every time.

Anyway, some people smoke it, some people eat it (oh God the stories I could share) and some people shun it entirely because they have grown the EFF up and gotten a life full of brain activity.  Yeah, no judgement if you are a total pot head or anything (but totally judgement).

So brownies.

These brownies do not contain pot or any mind altering chemical whatsoever and thank God because they don’t need it.  You will binge eat them without the munchies.

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The best thing about these brownies is that they are lightning fast to whip up.  That and they make me want to strip down to my skivvies and do a happy dance.

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Heat a stainless steel bowl over a sauce pan of gently boiling water and add the butter, chocolate and cocoa.  Stir until the chocolate is almost entirely melted and then remove from heat.

Whisk in the eggs, vanilla and salt until combined.  Then stir in the flour and pour (or scoop) batter into an 8×8 inch baking dish.  I use parchment paper because I’m lazy, but it really is just as easy to butter and flour the pan.  I think I’m cutting corners when I’m not because I’m totally missing brain cells from all of the…pre-legalization of pot activity I’ve partaken in.

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Bake at 350 for about 25 minutes.

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Let cool for like a second and then slice ’em up.

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Pretend you just smoked a bowl of the dankest shyte this side of the Canadian border, and scarf those babies down like you mean it.

You cannot accomplish the task of taking down the whole pan (with your husband of course) without a couple of glasses of milk each, I assure you, so do yourself a favor and get some grass-fed whole fat goodness and try, just try to be cool like me.

Peace, love, and just say no to pot brownies.

Virgin Brownie Recipe (adapted slightly from SMITTEN KITCHEN)

3oz chocolate

2TB cocoa powder

1 1/3c coconut sugar, rapadura, sucanat (OR 1c grade b maple syrup)*

2 large eggs

1tsp vanilla extract

1/2 tsp mineral sea salt

2/3c flour of choice (you could use spelt, sprouted wheat, or even a mix of one with some all-purpose flour, but if you use all-purpose make sure it is sparingly and that you buy a brand that is local and non-gmo)

Heat oven to 350.

On top of a double boiler melt butter, chocolate, and cocoa.  Once almost all the pieces of chocolate are melted remove from heat and stir in the eggs, vanilla, salt and then flour.  Pour into an 8×8 inch baking dish and smooth out the top.  Bake for 25 minutes or so and then EAT.

*Using different sugars will result in a different consistency to the brownie, but I think you should make these at least as many times as there are kinds of healthy sugars, so there.  I added cocoa to the recipe which Mr. H. likes, but without is just as delightful.  Get crazy with it.

 

 

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